GK Reece, washer of kits
RB Paddy (not Irish)
CB Hayden the hungover
CB Ginger Jono
LB Kelvin Baines
RM Best Kelman
CDM Owen “GET GOALSIDE” Courtney
CM Hassy scored another blinder
CM Olé Olé Olé Olé
LM Sami thinks he’s Xavi
ST Our fascist leader
Bench:
Michael Cafu
Tyson fury’s mate
I usually hate playing Palmertarians away, the roads are too small and busy, the traffics always rubbish, plus I had all these rattling glass candle holders in my car for mum and dads carol service on Sunday. It was a racket.
I forgot that we were playing on a fake pitch that day, but the ref didn’t check our boots anyway. I’m pretty sure Kelvin was wearing blades but I ain’t gunna snitch.
Reece got the kit again, rumours around the club are he’s turning up late on purpose, apparently he can’t sleep without the sniffing the shorts anymore.
We came out for blood in this match, the first 10 minutes we looked electric. They had nothing and were panicking, I think, It’s all Greek to me.
I was on corners today, it was bittersweet, TJ (RIP) always put in a good corner and we will have to work twice as hard on the pitch without him, get better soon. Nevertheless, someone told me ‘the keeper looks big, you know what to do at corners’. I didn’t. He looked like Dracula so I knew he must be afraid of crosses, so I took a shot, 1-0.
Sea lions are more murderous than actual lions.
Then we started slacking a bit, fortunately Cozza and Mark then decided to run around like madmen, they were great, kept us in the game during this period, as did our solid defence.
The ship needed steadying, but we were probably on top. Olly miss-hit a chance outside the box. Sami was having some joy on the left wing but still decided to drag the winger “LITTLE RAT” down with a lariat (this is a wrestling move perfected in Japan, it’s a bit like a clothesline, but you throw your arm a bit more). Unfortunately this freekick snuck in at the near post, not a nice one to give away but we cracked on. I believe we went into half time at 1-1
A nasothek, is a collection of nose sculptures.
The second half they came out a bit of a different team. The left back mugged me off a few times, but we had some neat passages of play on the left and everyone was putting in a decent shift. Olly put me through once or twice.
The second goal they scored I can’t really remember, I think they found a gap in our defence and threaded a nice pass. I’m willing to give the defence the benefit of the doubt and say it was Iniesta esc. 2-1 down.
The past tense of snow, used to be ‘snew’
Again our most dangerous wing was the left, but the final ball was running away from us. Somebody fouled one of their players, he was writhing on the floor. Somebody fouled Cozza, he was up like a shot throwing abuse left right and centre. We had a free kick at the edge of the box and as expected Sami picked up the ball.
He yelled at me and pointed at the ball, so I got in position to make a run off it. Surprisingly enough he wanted me to take it, “what a muppet” - I thought, “what a muppet” - everyone thought. I had 3 or 4 people come up and give me advice “just get it on target”, “just get it over the wall”, “I’ll be an option if you need”. But all I wanted to do was win another cup, so I put it in. 2-2
It is illegal in 18 US states, to sell fake urine
Again we had a few good chances, but to no avail. The killer pass just wasn’t there this week.
It felt like we were doomed to play an additional 30 mins of football. But then we go our second corner right at the beginning of stoppage time. You’ve not seen a better cross since the crucification, Hayden got to it first, bounced it off the bar, off the defender, and in. 3-2, the crowd goes wild.
Not the best we’ve played but onto the next round. Merry Christmas!